What Is this Unit About?

This unit is about how young children learn to use the toilet and how you can help them.

What Is Toilet Learning?

Toilet learning is different from toilet training. While toilet training is something that an adult does to a child, toilet learning is when children play an active part in their own learning. Toilet learning begins with knowing the signs that tell you children are ready to use the toilet. Learning will happen when you teach in a way that does not punish and does not use treats or rewards. Children who are ready need no rewards to make them want to learn. Most children will be happy and proud when they can go to the potty by themselves, and that is reward enough.

The key to toilet learning is teaching--not training--children. It is important to teach them to listen to their bodies, to talk to others clearly about their needs, to get their own clothes off (sometimes with a little help), and to feel good about learning something new. The goal is for the child to feel proud of what she has done.

When are Children Ready for Toilet Learning?

Every child is different. Just as each child learns to walk in his own time, each child becomes ready for toilet learning in his own time. Most children show signs of being physically, mentally, and emotionally ready between the ages of 24 and 38 months. Often, children will have some but not all of these signs of readiness.

Here is a checklist of readiness signs to look for in the children in your care. Toilet learning is possible when children are not fully ready, but it is smoothest when children are ready in all three areas.

Signs of Readiness Checklist

Physical Readiness

• Child can stay dry for longer periods of time, or overnight
• Child knows the feelings that signal he/she needs to use the bathroom
• Child can pull down own pants, and pull them up
• Child can get him or herself to the toilet

Mental and Language Readiness

• Child can follow simple directions
• Child can point to wet or soiled clothes and ask to be changed
• Child pays attention to the physical signals even when she is doing something else (a challenge for many children, which is why accidents are so common)
• Child knows the words for using the toilet, and can tell an adult when he/she needs to go
• Child has asked to wear grown-up underwear

Emotional Readiness

• Child seeks privacy when going in diaper
• Child shows interest in using the toilet--may want to put paper in and flush it
• Child shows curiosity at other people’s toilet habits
• Child has decided he/she wants to use the toilet
• Child is not afraid of the toilet

The Normal Ups and Downs of Toilet Learning

The course of toilet learning is not always smooth. Accidents and setbacks can happen. Accidents are very common and are a normal part of the learning process. When young children are playing, they can forget the physical signals that they need to use the bathroom. Also, children might be interested in using the toilet one day, and not the next. Many children will insist on wearing diapers and refuse any suggestion of using the toilet. Setbacks like these are normal. Here are some common reasons for setbacks:

1. Often, children are afraid of change and want to be a baby again. This is normal and natural when children are learning to use the toilet. Try to respect the child's timing and let her take time off from the hard work of learning to use the toilet.
2. Sometimes, fear is at the root of a child's refusal to use the toilet. Children may be fearful that their bodies might be giving up something important, or simply afraid of the loud flush of the toilet. Watch for signs of fear. Sometimes just putting the feelings into words for the child can help: "You seem afraid of using the toilet." or "That toilet sounds very loud, doesn't it?"
3. Just like adults, children want to be alone when they are using the toilet. Some children do not want to use a toilet in a group setting. Provide as much privacy as you can while still being able to watch over things.
4. Some children have trouble with constipation and do not want to use the toilet. Also, while some children have regular bowel movements, others do not. Increasing fiber in the child's diet can help make children more regular, and sometimes this can help a child to succeed in using the toilet. Encourage families to serve high-fiber foods to children, such as fruits, vegetables, or whole grain products, and serve these as snacks whenever you can.
5. Toileting can also become a power struggle between parent and child. Parents do not always have the control they would like to have--while you can make a child sit on the potty, you cannot make him use it. Sometimes this can force a parent into insisting that the child go, but this is a losing battle that can lead the child to refuse to use the toilet.
6. Setbacks are also normal when children are under stress. Moving, the birth of a baby, and starting a new child care program are all stressful events, and children may have many accidents and setbacks at these times.

Handling Accidents and Setbacks

Because most children are upset when they have an accident, it must be handled in a way that will not hurt feelings. Accidents can be learning experiences if they are handled gently, but they can cause setbacks for children if they are handled poorly.

It is best to handle accidents in a matter-of-fact way. You might say, "All kids have accidents once in a while," and then help the child get cleaned up and redressed. No child should feel bad about having an accident. Saying "I thought you were a big boy" or insisting that a child wear diapers is humiliating to growing children. They should not be punished for making an honest mistake. Let the child redress herself after an accident. Whenever possible, follow the child's lead about whether she would like to wear diapers or underpants. Show the child you believe she can wear underpants again. The greatest gift we give to children is our confidence that they can succeed.

About Diapers Today’s disposable diapers are so absorbent that children may not feel wet when they have an accident. Modern diapers may not always be best because accidents serve a purpose: They help children connect feelings of urinating with feelings of wetness. Pull-up diapers are also popular today. Some child specialists believe that pull-up diapers could slow down toilet learning. Pull-ups send a mixed message, saying to use the toilet and to use diapers at the same time.

Working Together with Parents and Children

There are many ideas about the best way to teach children to use the toilet. Differences among generations and cultures are common. But one thing seems to be true for almost all families: Toilet learning brings up strong feelings in children and parents. This is one reason why the role of the child care provider in toilet learning can be a sensitive one.

The adult's job in toilet learning is to set the stage for success. The timing and the rhythm of toilet learning is up to the child. Allowing the child the freedom to decide to take the lead in his/her own toilet learning can be hard for many of us, especially if we have learned that it is an adult’s job to "train" a child. The child care provider supports the family by both following the lead of the child and listening to the ideas, feelings, and concerns of the parents. This can be hard to do.

Ask parents to send children to child care in clothes that they can easily get off themselves: Pants with elastic waists are better than zippers, and while overalls are adorable, they are hard for children to get off. Ask parents to dress their child for success--toileting success!

When children refuse to use the toilet, your role with the parent is a delicate one. Help the parent listen to their own child by assuring parents that refusal to use the toilet is most often normal. Suggest that they may want to relax and let the child try again at a later time. Your calm approach can help parents learn how to trust their child's own timing in toilet learning as well as the many other milestones they will face together as the child grows. Your support can help reassure parents and give the child a sense of pride.

What Can You Do to Help Children?

There are many different ideas among cultures and families about how toileting should be taught and when children are ready to learn. Working with families can be challenging. Begin by listening to each family, giving them time to share their ideas and wishes for their children. While we may have different ideas about how to do this, we all share the same goal—guiding our children to independence.

Share information about toilet readiness with parents. Talk with parents about the signs of readiness, ask what signs they are seeing at home, and share what you have seen in child care. Our job involves trying to match the home experience as much as we reasonably can.

To help children succeed:

• Ask parents what words are used at home for bathroom needs, and make sure that you use the same familiar words when talking to the child.
• Offer different choices--potty chair, potty seat, and toilet--to children. Some children find it hard to use the toilet if they are used to a potty chair at home.
• Show parents that you really want to match the experience at home and in child care (as much as possible). This will ease the stress of toilet learning by helping each family to feel respected and each child to feel comfortable and at home in your child care.

Make sure the child wears clothing that is easy to pull up and down and that allows the child to feel wet or soiled

Let children flush the toilet and become familiar with it so they aren't afraid of the noise.

• Reassure the child that accidents happen and help the child with soiled clothing, but let them re-dress themselves.
• Provide information for parents on toilet learning so that communications between home and child care are positive and send a consistent message to the child.

Summary

Match the home experience as much as possible in your child care setting. Children might use potty chairs, potty seats, or the big toilet, so make all of these available in your child care. Try to match the words that are used for toileting needs in each family. This reduces the stress for children in child care.

Listen to the parents, and put what you hear into your own words to see if you really understand what they believe about toilet learning. Remember, you all want the same thing for the child: independent use of the toilet. Share information about toilet learning with parents. Send home a copy of the checklist of signs of readiness.

Listen to the child, and speak for the child. If you see a child who seems ready, share with that child's parents the signs of readiness. If you notice balking at using the toilet, share this too with parents. Help parents to know that it is normal and encourage them to trust their child's own timing. Consider accidents part of learning. Handle them in a matter-of-fact way and encourage parents to see them as natural and normal.

Assignments

1. What is the difference between toilet training and toilet learning?

2. Accidents and setbacks are a normal part of toilet learning. Explain two common reasons for setbacks and the best way to handle a setback if it happens in your child care program.

3. List 3 ways you can work with parents in helping their child with toilet learning.

4. Knowing what you now know about toilet learning, read over the following situations. Think about what you might do. How would you react? How could you help the child and their parents? Choose one of the situations and explain what you might say or do to help the child and parent better understand and deal with the situation.

1. The parents of Jasmine, fifteen months, tell you that they would like you to put her on the potty at school because they are toilet training at home. You have not seen any signs of readiness in Jasmine: She doesn't have the language to talk about wanting to go the bathroom, she cannot pull down her own pants, and she doesn't seem to know when she needs to go.
2. Brandon, who has just turned two, became interested in using the toilet just around his second birthday. He was eagerly using the potty to urinate, and once he had a bowel movement in his little potty at home. He liked to try on underpants and wanted to wear them. But then he had an accident, and since then he has insisted on wearing diapers and doesn't even want to try to use the potty at home or in child care. His mom comes to you and wants you to keep trying, but he seems to be upset even by the suggestion of using the potty.
3. Christina is the busy parent of a three-year-old girl, Kaitlyn, who is wearing pull-ups at home and at school. Kaitlyn is showing many signs of readiness for toilet learning: Not only does she seem to know when she needs to use the bathroom, she often looks for a private place when she goes in her diaper. She also has several of the other readiness signs--emotional, mental, and physical. It seems that her mother is too busy to teach Kaitlyn. When you ask her mom about it, she says Kaitlyn will learn on her own: "I have a friend and her daughter taught herself in one weekend."
4. Zachary, who is almost three, often has accidents. He often makes it to the bathroom, but then he goes on himself when he is trying to get out of his overalls or pull down his pants. He seems to have the skills to get these clothes off, but it just takes too long and he doesn't seem to be able to wait. You think that it would help him if he wore clothes that he could better manage himself.