We are used to the idea that we can provide children the best care by understanding how they grow and change.  We might not always remember that adults also experience growth and change, especially when they experience a major event such as becoming a parent.  By understanding how people change when they have a child, we understand parents better.  Remember, parents are a child’s first teachers, and it’s our job to build on and support that learning.  As child care providers, we can build strong and solid relationships with families by learning how to create the best conditions for a family to grow.

Most people would say that their lives changed dramatically from the moment their child was born.  The changes begin in pregnancy (or the early stages of adoption), when prospective moms and dads begin to imagine what their child will be like, picturing hair and eye color.  They also dream about what the future holds for the child:  first steps, Little League baseball, first day of kindergarten, etc.  Fantasies are often born out of experiences we had (or wished we had) with our parents as we were growing. 

While these images help parents assume their new role, they can be unrealistic.  Many parents might not imagine a newborn infant with blotchy skin and bald spots, one who cries and doesn’t sleep through the night.  As every parent knows, babies are demanding and can drain your energy. Sometimes reality can be disappointing when it replaces fantasy.

Six weeks is often when a parent brings her baby to child care for the first time.  The parent is usually feeling vulnerable because she’s discovered that her dreams of being a parent are far from the reality.  By this time, she’s also learning what kind of nurturer she is.  She might worry about whether she can meet her child’s needs.  Parents will compare their approach to what they see other parents do, and they will also compare their parenting to what they see you doing in your child care.  

Parents can feel threatened by your ability to handle the needs of many children so well.  While watching you interact with their child can be reassuring, they might also feel guilty about how close you are to their child.  If parents feel you are better than they are at caring for their own child, they may start to see you as a competitor.  Guilt about being away from their child during the day only makes this worse.

Help parents learn and understand

We can have good relationships with parents by rethinking our own role.  If we think of our role as not simply caring for the child, but as helping this family get off to the right start, then our goals change.  We aren’t just “dealing with” parents--we are in a partnership with parents, helping them grow as they raise their child.

Parenting is a tough job.  We are in a unique position to help parents in a special way.  Wonderful supportive relationships can form.  One mother talks about her relationship with her child care provider: “She’s like a mother or older sister to me.  I can’t get much help from my mother because she doesn’t live nearby.”  While not all relationships can be this much like family, there is potential for a wonderful team effort.

When it comes to relationships with families, getting off to the right start is really important.  Set things up for success as best you can. 

Start by building mutual respect. Be clear from the beginning about your rules.  Talk to parents up-front about common problem areas, so they know the rules apply to everyone fairly.  Clear rules are needed whenever the parent has a responsibility related to the program: for example, drop-off and pickup times and providing supplies such as diapers and clean clothes.  It is a good idea to have a handout sheet telling parents your rules and policies, and other important information such as your phone number.

Look at families with your “family support glasses” on.  Family-supportive child care providers can see a family’s strengths.  All families have strengths, and we can help parents build on their strengths.  If you recognize strengths, you keep your interactions positive.

Listen to parents.  They will have ideas about how you can improve your child care to better meet their needs and the needs of their children.  Good family supportive child care providers know that parents can help them improve their programs. 

Family-supportive child care providers know their programs should reflect, respect, and enhance the cultures in the neighborhood through the materials and activities that are offered.  People with a variety of cultural backgrounds should feel welcome in the program.

Becoming a family-supportive caregiver means learning to understand parents in a new light.  Learn to look for strengths in the parents and in the children.  Ask for and really listen to parents’ ideas about how you can make your program better.

1. What three things could you share in a parent orientation that could help you to get off to a respectful start with a parent?
   
   
2. Think of a family in your child care.  What three strengths do you see in this family?  How can you help this family build on their strengths?
   
   
3. How will understanding that parents go through stages of growth just like children help you form a better relationship with your families?
   
   
4. Put your “family support glasses” on and tell us what you will do to be supportive of a family whose background differs culturally from yours or the children in your care.