Fun Ways to Improve Behavior

We can help children learn self-control in ways that are fun both for the kids and for you. This unit will teach you easy, enjoyable activities that help children become better at controlling their own behavior.

We can help children in two ways: first, by showing and teaching them what behaviors we expect of them, and second, by helping them develop their self-control. Learning good behavior is an important goal for young children to work on.  Young children need to learn what behaviors we want them to use.  We have to be good teachers of behavior—this means that we need to show children what we expect to see.  When a baby pulls another child’s hair, we need to show him how to touch another person gently.  When a toddler grabs a toy, we need to show her other ways to get a toy, from the shelf or by asking for it.  When a preschooler hits another child, we need to teach him things to say and encourage him to solve problems with words rather than with fists.  We must be patient with this type of teaching—it needs to be repeated many times, since learning one time is rarely enough for any child to be able to start showing the new behavior.

In addition to these good teaching practices, there is another way to improve children’s behavior: activities that build self-control.  Self-control is the ability to stop ourselves from acting or reacting immediately to prevent a negative outcome.  It is hard for most children to stop themselves because of something that might happen in the future, since their thinking is focused on the here-and-now.  When a child who is in line at the slide lacks self-control, she will push at the child in front, even though she knows you will pull her out of the line and she won’t get to go down at all.  As children grow, they gain a better understanding of time, and gradually learn to look towards the future, but they also need their self-control to be strong enough to manage their own behavior to reach that future goal.

If you think of self-control as a muscle that gets stronger each time you use it, then it makes sense that giving children practice using self-control in one situation will help them learn to use it in other situations. Playing games and singing songs gives children practice controlling themselves.  There are many games and songs that require kids to stop their bodies from moving, control their voices, and practice waiting.  These can give them the practice they need to be able to hold themselves back in other situations, and keep the temptation to misbehave under control.  Practicing self-control can be fun if you are playing games and singing songs—so much fun that the kids don’t know they are learning!

The best way to begin building self-control is to give sing the old favorite song Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.  Sing it slowly with toddlers and faster for school-age children to make it more challenging.

• Play the body part game: Simply ask children to touch different parts of their bodies when you call them out.  This simple game is great for helping children learn the names of their body parts, and can be a simple activity to help fill a short time.
   
• Set up an obstacle course.  Children will move their bodies in different ways to go over, under, around, and through the different obstacles.  Things you already have around the house work well for this activity: Go under the table, through the legs of the chair, jump over a pillow on the floor.  Kids love this simple activity and it can make a rainy day a fun and memorable one.

Have the children balance bean bags on different parts of their bodies.  Balancing on the head or hand are good activities for the youngest of children.  You can increase the challenge for older children by asking them to balance the bean bags while walking forward or even backwards. You can add more bean bags too: two on the shoulders and one on the head while moving backwards can be a real challenge for school-agers.

Another game to build body awareness is Follow the Leader or The Copy Cat Game. Kids love this simple activity. One child acts as a leader and the other children copy the movements of the leader.  This matching the movement of another person helps make kids more aware of their bodies and how to control their movements.  You can play this game seated indoors, but it is also great played outside when kids can move even more freely. 

Let children practice self-control by playing games and singing songs that ask the children to stop and start a behavior at exactly the right time.  Put on some music—anything that you like is fine; it doesn’t have to be music specifically for children.  Just play something upbeat that makes you and the kids feel like dancing.  There is only one rule to this old game: You have to freeze when the music stops and not move again until the music is back on.  Have some fun dancing with the kids and suddenly stopping and starting the music. 

When children practice stopping their bodies, they are also learning how to control their hands and feet.  Try it every day for a month and watch the children grow better and better at staying still during the breaks from the music.  Another great game is “Hot Potato,” the old game where you pass a small object around a circle of seated people, and stop passing when the music stops. With younger children you don’t have to make the game competitive.  No one needs to be taken out of the circle; just keep playing and having fun. 

Preschoolers love to play simple percussion instruments such as homemade shakers and drums.  Give no more than two instruments out at a time, so that the players can still hear when the music stops playing.  Ask the children to play until the music stops.  You can make up your own games that ask the kids to stop and start. 

Older children, especially school-agers, like old-fashioned games like Red Light/Green Light and Freeze Tag.  These are great games for practicing self-control.  In Red Light/Green Light, the game leader calls out “green light” and players can move across an open space towards the game leader, but must stop as soon as the game leader says the words “red light.” The game is won when the first child reaches the game leader.  For Freeze Tag, the person who is “it” chases the other kids and tries to tag them.  When someone is tagged, he must freeze until touched by another player.  Some groups enjoy a little competition, while others do not.  Try to work out ways to make the games less competitive for groups of children who have trouble playing well together.

Another way to practice stopping and starting is to play blanket or parachute games.  Take an old blanket and have each child hold an edge.  Ask the children to shake the blanket gently, to shake it more vigorously, and then to stop.  Use words like “your hands are under control” when kids are able to stop themselves.  Put a ball or a few leaves or pieces of paper on the blanket to make it even more interesting.  This helps kids see that when all the members of a group are controlling themselves, the activity is more fun and that controlling yourself can be good for the entire team or group. 

Practice whispering and shouting

Ever wonder how to get the kids to learn to control their voices?  Try songs that get them whispering and shouting; for example, old camp favorites like John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.  But don’t worry if you don’t know all the words; you can try this with many songs that you already know. Kids like to have parts in the songs when you whisper and parts when you shout.  Try Eensie Weensie Spider. Whisper as the spider goes up and shout when the rain washes him down.  For older children, the challenge becomes to learn to not speak.  Songs like B-I-N-G-O, where you leave letters out each time, challenge both self-control and memory.  Older preschoolers can learn to leave out parts of a song, and can learn how to “sing it in their head.” This is good practice for thinking instead of acting.

Give them a challenge

Giving children a chance to challenge their bodies can help build greater self-control. Not only does it give them a way to channel their high energy into something worthwhile, but it also builds improved physical control, leading to better control of behavior.  What kind of challenges do kids like?   Kids love climbing, running, balancing, jumping—you name it!  

Rather than having the kids compete against each other, get them to compete against themselves.  “Let’s see if you can run faster than you did last Thursday.”  Or “Can you jump more times than yesterday?  Can you balance longer?”  Keep a record for each child by having them write down the latest numbers.  These challenges help a child test her growing physical skills and can urge her on to greater achievement.  Many children have a bit of a daredevil in them; this allows that side of them to be harnessed in a safe and beneficial way.

Older Children and Self-Control

More and more child care providers report they are caring for older children age six and above with poor self-control.  Remember, most of these activities work equally well with children as young as two and all the way through to about  age ten.  When the kids find the games fun they will play longer and will benefit from the game.  Altering these games to add more challenge will keep the older kids interested longer.  Ask for their ideas if you’re not sure how to make a game more exciting for children ages six through ten.  Kids at this age love making up their own variations on the games described above.