|
Working with children means learning to work in partnership with their parents. The more you know about each family, the better you can work together to meet the needs of their growing toddlers. This unit will help you learn more about how parents of toddlers think and feel. You’ll learn some of the most common problems that come up between parents and child care providers, and what a family provider can do to make a good relationship with parents. |
All parents are alike in one way — they all want the best for their children. Yet every parent is unique, differing from other parents in many ways. With the mix of cultures and changes in the roles of men and women, new family styles are being created. Experienced caregivers know that they must take the time to get to know each family, since each family is truly unique. The more you understand about parent development, cultural differences, and your role as a caregiver, the better job you can do in building a true partnership with parents.
|
 |
| Understanding parents development |
 |
The parents of the toddlers in your care are at a challenging time in their lives. Changes in their toddler’s behavior bring new challenges practically every day, especially if this is a first child. Most parents of toddlers are struggling over how to handle their child’s behavior.
Toddlers are striving for independence. They also have much to learn about acceptable behaviors. Similarly, parents of toddlers are challenged to find their own approach to disciplining their child. Some parents are determined not to treat their children as they were treated themselves, while others plan to do things in similar ways to their own upbringing. Almost all parents try different approaches to find what works and what feels right to them. |
| Research on discipline styles and child development tells us that he best style is called authoritative, where parents treat their children warmly and have limits that are enforced with a consequence backed up by a reason (without physical punishment). Children raised with this style are the most confident and show healthy self-control. Within the authoritative style are many healthy parenting approaches. |
Parents of toddlers are interested in watching the ways in which other parents discipline their children. They will be also watching your approach to discipline. You may find yourself being judged as too permissive by some parents and too strict by others. Because parents learn so much from you, it’s a good idea to take the bull by the horns and help families learn about discipline and guidance. Share good articles that you find that teach age-appropriate expectations and good discipline approaches for toddlers. Share information about common behavior problems in toddlerhood: temper tantrums, biting, and sharing. These are emotional issues for most parents, and it can help to talk about these things before they happen, rather than waiting until there is a problem. |
 |
| Over time parents grow more comfortable with their ability to discipline their child. These issues (while still present) are not as sensitive as they were during the toddler years. Through the day-to-day experience of disciplining their child, parents come to find the approach to discipline that seems best to them and for their toddler’s growth and development. |
Understanding cultural differences |
There are many differences between cultures in how toddlers are treated. One toddler caregiver remembers a family that felt she was expecting too much of a toddler when she asked her to hang her coat in her cubby. Whether they are large or small, cultural differences have the potential for creating misunderstandings and conflict. |
 |
Two common problem areas in caring for toddlers are differences in expectations for self–help skills and in handling behavior problems. Even if you think your neighborhood is not culturally diverse, you are likely to find many differences among families on these important aspects of toddler care, so it is valuable to ask each family about what their toddler does for herself and what is done when the child misbehaves. |
Caregivers can find relationships with parents challenging. They may feel taken for granted and not respected by parents who are late picking up their children or ignore pleas for more diapers. On the other hand, parents may not always feel respected by caregivers who feel the parents work too much. Remember, all parents want the best for their children, and while their choices might not be our choices, it is important to convey respect. |
| A good relationship is built on mutual respect, so as a caregiver, insist on respectful treatment from parents. Create clear, written policies. Charge late pick-up fees, and if you must spend time buying diapers from the store, charge parents for your time and the diapers. Tell parents about these policies up front and have them sign a written agreement so that it is less emotional.
|
 |
 |
The role of family child care providers can be confusing. While you are a business person, it is not a simple service transaction you provide. You’re not a teacher, and your child care home is not a school, yet you do teach children. In most cases you’re not part of the family, but at times you are like extended family. In your profession you must come to more carefully spell out the special role of family child care. While a family child care provider can learn things from businesses and schools, family child care really is something different. |
| Think of family child care as part of the family support field. You’re in the business of supporting families and helping them best meet the needs of their children. Your role is to get to know the family members that are most important to the child. That may be the parents, guardians, aunts, uncles, and grandparents or even family friends. Find whoever is important to each child and build a good relationship so that you can work together to meet the child’s needs. Through this experience family members can learn to become empowered to speak for their child’s needs. |
Keep communication lines open |
| Some parents are afraid to communicate openly and honestly with caregivers. They are afraid if they speak their mind their caregiver will become angry and turn that anger onto their child or refuse to continue to provide care. Fears like these can prevent open communication. As a family child care provider, you should set the tone for the type of communication you are expecting. |
 |
| Help parents be experts on their children. During their child’s toddler years, parents are developing their confidence in handling the discipline of their child. You can help by acknowledging the parent as the expert on the child. After all, parents know their child better than anyone else. Ask for detailed information on sleeping, eating, and diapering, both when you first meet a family and on a regular basis afterwards. The more you ask about, the better the parent feels and the better job you can do to meet that child’s needs. |
 |
To get to know a toddler better right from the start, meet with the parents before the child starts in your family child care program. You will gain valuable information that will help you care for the child and get your relationship off to the right start. Take time to ask questions, and discuss discipline at this time. Find out what behaviors are happening at home and what is done to handle them; this will help you understand both the parent and the child. |
| Regularly tell parents little stories about what their child did. It can warm a parent’s heart to know that their toddler ran and got a cup of water for a child who was hurt, or did something funny that day. It also lays the groundwork for communication about more serious subjects. When you need to talk about a problem, describe the behavior or problem, rather than sharing your ideas about the problem. The more detailed observations you can give the parent, the more successful the communication is likely to be. And always be sure to not share private information with others. It can damage the good relationship that you are working hard to create. |
|
While no one likes conflict, conflict with families is something you can work through. Each age and stage of child development brings different types of conflict. Parents of toddlers can be sensitive about how misbehaviors are handled, so issues like temper tantrums, biting, hitting, and sharing are very emotional. Parents may blame you for these behaviors, especially parents who are not familiar with common toddler behaviors.
You can help by talking to parents about misbehaviors before they happen so the parents aren’t taken by surprise. By educating parents about the normal stages of child development, you can help sustain good relationships with families. |
Use conflict as an opportunity to listen closely to the feelings, fears, and concerns of the parent. It is really valuable to be able to put what you are learning about the parent’s feelings into your own words and say them back to the parent: “I’m hearing that you’re concerned about children biting.” This is called active listening. It helps avoid misunderstandings and shows empathy and respect for what the parent is feeling. When handled sensitively, conflict can actually make your relationship better. |
| Summary
Getting to know the families of the children in your care is an important part of your job:
- Learn about parent development so you know what to expect from parents.
- Expect conflict with parents at times. Knowing some of the hot buttons or emotional issues can help you be prepared for conflict.
- Expect each family to be truly unique and take the time to get to know the family members who are with the child the most. Try to set up a good relationship with each family.
- Let parents be experts on their children and ask them to tell you about their child’s eating, sleeping, and diapering routines.
- Most of all, keep the communication lines open with daily chats so that you are ready to handle more sensitive communication when necessary.
|
- When a new family with a toddler comes into your child care program, what are at least three questions you will ask the parent(s) to help establish this new relationship.
- When a new family with a toddler comes into your child care program, what are at least 3 things you would like to communicate to the new family about you and your program.
- Give us two examples of how you plan to keep communication open between you and the families with toddlers in your program.
- What is the best way to handle differences among families when it comes to caring for their toddler?
|
|
