The emotions of the three-year-old

Young three-year-olds can be delightful and sunny. For many, the struggles of the two-and-a-half- year-old (see our Web unit “Through the Eyes of a Toddler”) are over, and they often become happy, calm, and agreeable to adult suggestions. The typical young three-year-old is eager to please and responds well to praise. Praise children of this age with very specific remarks, such as "I like the way Dylan is sitting, with his hands in his lap."

Three-and-a-half can be a turbulent time

As the young three-year-old moves into the middle part of the year, she can become more insecure and anxious, but also determined and strong-willed, often refusing to obey the adult. Routines and transitions between activities can be especially hard. Children need to comfort themselves at this age. They might suck their thumbs, bite their nails, pick their noses, play with their genitals, and chew on their clothes.

Sometimes shy, sometimes fearless, the three-and-a-half-year-old can change from moment to moment. Whining is also common at this age and is best handled by asking for children to repeat themselves in a voice you can better understand. A child of this age often insists that nothing will please her. She will usually come around on her own, however, if you give her a simple choice-- "You can play in the sand or with the table toys"--and then ignore the fuss.

All threes can be fearful

Common fears for three-year-olds include fears of strangers, of the dark, and of animals. It is important to support a child who is fearful. Children may need reassurances about the difference between real and pretend. You might say, "Monsters are pretend, but I understand you are feeling afraid. I'll be here to keep you safe."

Don't be ruled by a child's fear. Don't allow the child to avoid all situations that bring up the fear, but also don't force a child to face a fear when it is very strong. Ask children questions: "What will help you feel less scared?" Children often want a security blanket or stuffed animal. Allow children to bring these special things to child care. Encourage children to use them when they are fearful, and do not ask them to share these special objects from home.

The friendship of three-year-olds

Friends are becoming important to the three-year-old. Some children have very special friends that they look forward to seeing. Imaginary friends are common at this age. Children of this age talk more with each other than they did before. It is during this year that they begin to talk to other children as much as they talk to adults. Cooperative play is taking the place of parallel play, meaning that playing together is increasing, and playing side-by-side is decreasing.

Threes still wander the child care room at times without becoming involved much with anybody, and children still spend time playing alone. Within any group of threes, the children shift frequently between activities, including playing alone, conversation with an adult, aggressive play between children, and cooperative play. Play for many is still like the individual play that you see at age two, but now children also like to be with others.

Many three-year-olds begin to be interested in other children's feelings. Now and then they show moments of genuine concern for the feelings of others. Talk about others’ feelings to help children build on this growing skill. Simple statements like "It hurt when you stepped on his fingers" help three-year-olds understand how their behavior makes other children feel.

Children's ability to take turns improves

They seem to enjoy imaginative play with others as much as their own play. While children at this age will be open to playing with others besides a special friend, they may begin to exclude other children. "She can't play with us" or "We don't want him" are common statements made by three-and-a-half-year-olds. Play usually doesn't last for long periods of time, and it is best if an adult is nearby to step in when needed.

The motor skills of the three-year-old

Young three-year-olds are thrilled by their newfound motor skills. Typically they are good at walking and running, and can turn sharp corners without the mishaps that were common several months before. They are less often frustrated by not being able to do things. The child's body shape changes at three from being the top-heavy body with a belly sticking out to the sleeker build of the preschooler. Children are better able to climb steps, alternating feet going upstairs, but may still have trouble going down. Threes can jump down from a low height, ride a tricycle using the pedals, and can climb with more surefootedness than the toddler.

By three and a half, children can again seem uncoordinated and uncertain. They may stutter and stumble. Their drawing might change. Lines will be less firm and sure, and some children may even show a hand tremor. They may fall more often than they did as a young three. By four, children regain a great deal of their lost coordination.

The language and thinking skills of the three-year-old

Three-year-olds are also enjoying their newfound language skills. They are better able to express their thoughts and needs. Most love new words and are beginning to rhyme and play with words. Threes start to ask questions about the world using words like how, what, where, and why. A three-year-old may even do something he doesn't want to do if you give him a good reason for it.

Three-year-old children engage in magical thinking. They may believe that just thinking about something can make it happen. Children are still coming to understand cause and effect. It helps to talk about cause and effect with children, but most of all they learn this through play. Sand and water play help children learn about physical cause and effect.

Rather than teaching numbers and letters, create a language-rich program by reading to three-year-olds. Most children love stories. Reading to children helps them learn about how to read, how to hold the book, and how printed words carry a message. Choose some rhyming books for the children. Rhyming helps children get ready for reading by matching sounds and letters.

Children of this age love to read favorite books over and over again. Re-reading may bore you, but the children gain vocabulary and important knowledge of words and sounds when you read an old favorite one more time.

To learn more about three-year-olds, read Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy, by Louise Bates Ames and Frances L. Ilg, Dell Press, New York, New York, 1985.

Tips for handling the three-year-old

1. Keep a regular routine, even though children of this age may fight against it at times. The routine provides security for children. Warn children in advance of any transition: "In five minutes we will finish reading and then we will have a snack." Even if the child is familiar with the routine, reminding will help make the transition smoother. Tell children in advance about any changes in the routine and, if at all possible, try to avoid making changes.

Provide reassuring repetition. Sing familiar songs and read favorite books as many times as the child likes. Repetition provides comfort and security, which is especially valuable when children are in the troublesome three-and-a-half stage.

Save videos and television for occasional use. Sitting in front of the television takes away from the time available for children to work on more important skills. Three-year-olds need to spend most of their time developing their motor skills by running and playing outside, as well as spending time inside painting, coloring, building with blocks, singing, and pretending.

4. Learn transition tricks. Children have difficulty moving from one activity to another, so learn a number of transition tricks. Use puppets, ask children to move like animals, or to pretend to be characters in favorite books as they move from one activity to another.

Give three-year-olds plenty of time for play as a part of your regular routine. Imagination is very strong in the three-year-old, and the joy of discovering friendship means that playtime is one of the most important times of the day for children of this age. While three-year-olds share better than twos, they still have trouble sometimes. Expect sharing problems, and help the children continue their play. (See the Web lesson “Is Sharing a Problem?”)

6. Encourage three-year-olds to use words to talk about their sharing problems. Teach the children to ask if they can use something, and to say, "When I am finished." Show them ways of trading toys and of offering similar toys.
7. Threes can solve problems together when an adult guides them. Ask each child to describe the problem. Listen to both children, then ask them for ideas about how to solve the problem. When both children agree on an idea, you have a solution. If sharing is the problem, get them to tell you exactly how they plan to share. Just saying, "We'll share it," is not specific enough a solution. Sometimes threes will walk away in the middle of working out a solution because they just don't care that much. This is a solution too.

Silly clowning is best handled by guiding children into similar (but more positive) activities. Sometimes clowning takes the form of running around. Direct children into simple running games: "run and jump over this pillow." If the clowning takes the form of language play, introduce simple rhymes and songs. Especially good are songs that involve both whispering and shouting.

9. Help children who are being left out by making the rule, "You can't say you can't play." Help the child and the group find play roles for everyone who wants to play.
10. Speak positively to threes. Tell them what you want them to do, rather than what you don't want. Distracting children to another activity still works well with this age and can help prevent problems.

Handle fears sensitively. Give children your support. Reassure them about the difference between real and pretend, and remind them that you will be there to take care of them. Ask a child what helps when they are scared, and (if possible) let them do any of these things. This helps the child develop his own ways of coping.

12. If a child still uses a security object, allow her to bring it to child care. Blankets, stuffed animals, and special toys all provide comfort for children. Don’t ask children to share these special objects.

Summary

Three is a wonderful age. Children are coming to really enjoy friends, and they can express themselves with new language skills. They share better and are really becoming play partners. The young three is more sure on his feet and more stable in his emotions. At three and a half, stuttering and stumbling are more common, and children may seem more fearful as well as resistant to adults. Adults provide the security and support older three-year-olds need to help them work through this stage

Assignments.

1. Most young three-year-olds respond well to praise. Describe three different situations and give examples of what you could say to praise a three-year-old in each of these situations.
2. Three-year-olds are continuing to develop their large motor skills. Large motor skills involve using large muscle groups, like legs. What are two activities three-year-olds enjoy doing that help to develop their large motor silks? What are two new large motor activities that you would like to begin offering the children in your care?
3. Three-year-olds are also working on improving their language skills. What are two things you can do to help with this development?
4. Speaking positively to threes helps them follow your directions. Speaking positively means telling the children what you want them to do, instead of what you don't want them to do. Describe different three situations and something positive that you could say to the children in each situation. For example: When the children are playing inside where running is not OK, instead of saying, “Don't run,” say, “Use your walking feet.”